Girl Everlasting...

In school, I am reading Tuck Everlasting with my students. It's a tale of a family who happens upon a spring that bestows upon them eternal life. They keep the secret for eighty-seven years until a young girl, Winnie, discovers them and learns of their immortality. The father, Angus Tuck, tries to impress upon Winnie that eternal life is not all it's cracked up to be...If I knowed how to climb back on the wheel, I'd do it in a minute. You can't have living without dying, so you can't call it living, what we got. We just are, we just be, like rocks beside the road. 

I don't think any of us out there hope to just "be". To just take up space until our space is filled by another. But so many of us do, don't we?

We wait...
...for the work week to be over
...to make more money
...for the storm to pass
...for the cold to break
...for heartbreak to heal
...for the child to sleep
...for her to love you
...to see if he'll leave
...for the perfect moment to take that leap

But what if we've already done it? What if we've already been and lived and seen and done? What if we let go of the waiting and acknowledged the living?

And I don't consider my life to be of any great importance or interest but I've...

....kicked my legs high while the band marched on
...moved my tassel, twice,  and started a new adventure
...fallen in heart-stopping, bone-crushing love....quite a few times
...felt the sun on my face from distant countries
...opened the box and pulled out the ring
...shopped for a wedding dress with my mother
...seen two pink lines
...watched my body swell with life...twice
...fallen in heart-stopping, bone-crushing love...with a child
....broken bread with friends and family who know my real story
...let down my guard
...built up walls
...gave up and gave in
...admitted I couldn't do it all
...found him
...accepted and acknowledged
...loved

Don't waste your time waiting for what is to come....it is already here.

Pause My Life...

There's never enough time is there?

Time for smelling the roses and whatnot. So, I've started thinking, lately, how I'd like to pause those sweeter moments in life and really dissect them. Observe them with a magnifying glass and leave my mark upon them. Let the recipient know that I, was in fact, here. I saw it all and savored it well.


My girls are growing like weeds before my eyes. I was holding hands with Pink the other day and noticed that she is no longer a baby. She is a little lady, standing tall, talking about life with me in terms I can understand. If I could have paused her then...right there...I would have. And I would have looked at her hands, how they fit tenderly in mine. I would have bent down and memorized every freckle left over from a summer truly enjoyed. I would have memorized her voice, just as it is now. Tiny and unfettered, yet showing signs of the girl she is to become. She is so beautiful.

And I would pause my little Tink as she excitedly recounted her day at school as the Big Bad Wolf. Pause. Right there. Blond hair wild and voice, high and mighty, like a sprite. I would breathe in her light, the brightness that begins at her toes and escapes from her blue eyes, like nighttime escaping the sunrise. She is so full of life.

And I would pause my Boy. My love for him has exploded over the last year. Sometimes I feel my heart can barely contain it. Pause. Right there in Mexico. I would pause him and really feel his hands on mine. His eyes dancing with laughter. I would feel the weight of him and memorize the lines on his face. He is such a gift.

And then I would hit play and watch their lives unfold before me and intertwine with mine. Thankful.