It Takes a Village...

For whatever reason, I have been struggling recently with the idea of my girls having to grow up between two houses. I don't know why it's been hitting me so hard as of late, considering that this scenario is over two years old.

Maybe it's regret or feelings I never dealt with initially.  Maybe because my life has calmed down considerably and I have more time to think about things when Pink and Tink are gone. When they aren't with me, especially at night, the silence in the house is deafening.  At times, I feel like it's crushing me and is so loud I can barely sleep.  I find myself waking at night to check on them and can scarcely breathe upon realizing that they're not nestled in bed. They are supposed to be sound asleep, every night, in the room down the hall.  And they're not. And I made that decision for them.  That realization is hard to swallow. 

So, I've been wondering recently...What is it that kids truly need to feel safe and secure? To grow up happy and moderately sane? To know that, whatever the family situation, it is the best they could hope for.

The only answers I could arrive at are time and love. Not rocket science you'll agree, but there are plenty of families who fail to provide even the simplest of solutions to many of life's ills. Time and love.  If my kids have an abundance of anything at all, it is these two things.

We had Tink's third birthday party recently and I realized, on that afternoon, that my daughters are more blessed than most. Not only did they have their parents present, but their stepmother, stepsister, Nana and their very favorite Boy as well.  There was so much love and time being devoted to these children, it could nearly be classified as overindulgent. I had to laugh at one point as we passed around the children like ragdolls and they never missed a beat. Boy was holding Tink, I was holding their stepsister's hand and Pink's dramatic tears were being dried by her father. Later, we all had dinner together and shared a few drinks. It may not be "traditional", but it is good and it is stable and there is more love being given to those girls than Cupid doles out on Valentine's Day.

So...I am making a conscious decision to let go of the guilt. To let go of the regret. My daughter's blessed smiles are evidence enough of the time and love they've been given since we welcomed them into the world. I am making a conscious decision to revel in the fact that they are actually pretty lucky. Our decision to separate the households, simply allowed more love to fill the silence.