Asides...

I am working on a scathing post about public education, but until then, to tide over my valued readers...I present you with Asides.  Random stuff I think about that makes Boy ask..."Where do you come up with this crap?!"

• If I was ever on death row, God forbid, I already know exactly what I'd choose for my last meal. It would have to be the turkey and mashed potato dinner that they serve for school lunches. I crave it. I would ask the warden to fill up a child's swimming pool of the stuff and I would sit in it while I waited to meet my maker. 
• As much as I would like bigger boobs, I could never get a boob job. I'd be so stressed about people staring at my chest that I'd be forced to wear turtleneck sweaters in the summer. I'd never get a nose job either. With my luck I'd end up looking like Michael Jackson and be forced to do the moonwalk at parties. 
• I only eat Doritos with the cheesiest side down so that hits my tongue first. Go ahead, watch me eat them. I inspect each and every one. 
• I wonder if those penguins that live in the Arctic and have to survive debilitating snowstorms while sitting on their young, get pissed at kangaroos who hop around in the sun all the time and have a built-in pouch for their kid.
• Who the hell is Justin Bieber and why is he the opening "act" for the new We are the World recording? 
• Tink is always stressed about undies being "stuck in her bum". I worry that she will never learn to wear a thong and have inappropriate underwear lines.
• I don't know what it is, but when my students are really rowdy at school I play A Fine Frenzy's "The Minnow and the Trout" and they immediately calm down. It's like a lullaby. Even my tough boys sing like girls until it's over. 
• I think about so much random stuff that I worry that my brain wasn't wired properly. Oh well, I'm good entertainment at parties usually. 

The End!