We'll Dance....

marriage- an intimate or close union...

Being married seems like such a forgotten dream at times. I can scarcely recognize that young girl, more preoccupied with the music that would be played than the words being exchanged.  The ring, the celebrations, the shopping and spending, the anticipation.  The stress. The weather. The ancient church with no air conditioning. The ill-fitting dress and gobs of makeup. Toasts and speeches. Tears.

I married a good man, someone who, on paper, was perfect.  I kept my eyes closed to the signs that this union was neither intimate nor close. Friends would gush about their husbands to be, the conversations, the trips together, the chemistry between the sheets.  I would blush. Our life wasn't like that, but I was planning a wedding and a wedding I would have.  I should have been planning a marriage.

And you are warned of this by many.  Pay attention to your vows.  I don't remember mine, they were a means to an end. Say them. Kiss. Dance all night.

I, in no way, mean to disparage my former husband or what we had.  He is still a good friend and our marriage produced two daughters who break and fill our hearts in every way possible. We just didn't fill each other's hearts. And so they broke. And I didn't regret it. And that's how I knew.

I met Boy and I finally understood what everyone else was gushing about.  We talk for hours and throw our heads back in laughter time and again.  And...oh the chemistry.  And the friendship. Our time together is never wasted.  Regardless of the activity, our relationship is stronger at the outset.

Last weekend we made lasagna. We. Us. Wine and lasagna and laughter.  We are a team and I love my teammate. Our union is intimate and close. It is more a marriage than the one I had.

We already field the question...will you marry him? Will you marry her? Yes. No. Who knows? Absolutely. Never. Someday.

If we do, the only thing that will matter are the words exchanged. And then we'll dance.
If we don't...we'll still dance.