My Puzzle Piece...

"You are impossible not to touch." 

Boy says this to me as we're lying in bed Saturday morning, the Blizzard of 2010 confining us to this spot. I am grateful for it in a way, a reprieve from life and responsibility, if only for a moment. My head is nestled snugly against his neck and I understand what he means.  Our connection is electric; has been since day one.  It's more than just the intense attraction of a fledgling relationship, it's a magnetic force pulling us back to each other time and again.  Our hands, eyes, lips, forever gravitating towards each other. It's nearly impossible to explain and every known cliche' comes to mind when trying to properly describe my affection for this man.  I don't even know if the words exist, but what I do know is that, from the moment we met, I finally felt like I could rest.

I met Boy in April of 2009 and my  year prior to our first encounter was wild, wonderful, exhausting and intensely heartbreaking. I had met him at the end of my proverbial dating rope. I had tried on nearly every version of every kind of man, only to find that each one just didn't fit quite right.  It was disheartening and completely exhausting.  Every free night was date night and I was becoming an expert in my field.  I knew the right questions to ask...the ones that elicited laughter and thoughtful responses.  I batted my eyelashes, flashed my pearly whites and tilted my head ever-so-coyly to the right.  I had mastered the art of conversation and kissing, all of which were met with rave reviews.  I dated the too-young-for me guy, the bad boy, the geek, the Hungarian, and all the rest in between who just missed the cut. I had become a cliche'.

And then there he was.  Unexpectedly wonderful. The last puzzle piece snapped into place and I could finally see the whole picture of my life.  There he was. I sat across from him at dinner that first night and knew, on some level, that the time had come to put my former life to rest.  And rest I did. For what seemed like weeks I slept and slowly disentangled myself from the men that had carried me to this point. Some easier to say farewell to than others, but if I was to prove that I had changed, then all of it had to go.  All of the old insecurities and failures in love. I packed them away in my U-Haul of memory, shut the door and waved as it drove out of sight.  

"You are impossible not to touch." 

It's true.  He is.  He fits me, thrills me, protects me, talks to me, loves me and I can feel it deep within my bones. The ache of true love coursing through me. 

Years ago he was married and she left him.  The kind of leaving that you can't take back.  The kind of leaving that changes you inexplicably. Sometimes I hate her, because, in another life, she hurt this man I love so deeply.  It is absurd, our paths will never cross.  But I think about her and, mostly, I feel sorry that she missed out on him.  Sometimes I'm grateful to her, for putting him on the path that lead to me. In a weird way we are connected, for she gave me the last piece in my puzzle.